N.B. Nair
Traditional Indian society virtually considers marriage essential for women. Single women or widows have no independent identity in society and are even looked down upon as bad omen for families.
But one single woman has redefined every societal norm governing women’s life, be it the public discourse of romance, sex, or marriage. Sreemoyee Piu Kundu took a step further. She did the funeral rites for her father, a schizophrenic who died by suicide when she was just four almost four decades ago.
“I did not even know when Baba had died, the year, or the exact time and date; I was not sure if this was what he would have wanted. Being able to honour him in the most intimate, personal ritual I have ever performed meant acknowledging his short life and also mine thus far, with all the miracles and malaises,” Sreemoyee wrote in her latest book Everything Changes, reminiscences of her life so far.
The book is a courageous outflowing of the author’s intimate relations with men, her profession, failing health, and even her mother’s love affair with a person younger to her after she lost her husband—something no one would perhaps have the fortitude to discuss in public.
The book is also a commentary on Indian society and the taboo of mental health, suicide, and widow marriage, especially in Bengali society.
But that is Sreemoyee Piu Kundu, who has earned the sobriquet of ‘erotic novelist,’ rightly or wrongly. But her fictions spring up emotions, relationships, marriage without any inhibitions. Her fiction, four in all, and a non-fiction have been best sellers. The non-fiction Status Single, a germinal work on female identity, paved the way for a women’s collective with nearly 6,000 single or widowed, divorced, legally separated women with or without children, as also disabled and LGBTQI members spread across several cities in India.
“I thought India was witnessing a sexual revolution thanks to the onslaught of dating apps, which made marriage non-negotiable. You could date a guy, seek companionship and sexual fulfilment with no strings attached, or hook up if you wish without always hankering for marriage. I thought that was a new trend in India, along with almost the advent of app-based cabs, which made it easier for women to come back home at night,” Sreemoyee told Inspirational India about the idea of the Status Single movement.
Sreemoyee said India is on the cusp of a social revolution with 74.1 million single women, according to the last census, which turns out to be 39 percent of the population. “It is not just a social revolution; it is a cultural revolution; it is an economic revolution; it is a religious revolution at some level because marriage bears a religious hallow. It was a personal revolution for me. At the age of 40, I decided to follow sologomy, which is taking vows for myself, treating my 40th birthday almost like a wedding, being very open about turning 40, being very open about not having a partner, and being able to celebrate the last four decades of my life with dignity and pride.”
The community has already transformed into an off-line support group with chapters in several cities, talking about issues that affect single women, taking stands, fighting for justice, and trying to help one another when there is need so that one does not feel isolated, stigmatised, and alone.
“I hope to achieve the lack of judgement, the lack of stigma, and the lack of stereotype, and tomorrow marriage and motherhood are not the sole validation for womanhood. I want young women to choose marriages, the way they choose their jobs, the shade of lipstick, or their friends. Marriage should not be non-negotiable in a woman’s life. It should be an option; it should be an investment, and they get into it only if they are absolutely sure,” the author-turned-activist explained her vision.
Sreemoyee’s second book, Sita’s Curse, first published in 2014, is still a best seller. The fiction is a reflection of Indian society, where women are trapped in marriage and soulless households. It is a compelling story of a middle-class Indian housewife in need of love, respect, acceptance, and sexual fulfilment. It was compared to ‘Fifty Shades of Grey,’ by the British author E.L. James.
Sreemoyee started her career as a journalist in Delhi and moved to Bangalore, and Mumbai as a lifestyle editor and later a top public relations professional. Currently, she stays in her ‘city of birth,’ Kolkata, with her parents and adopted sister.
Today, she inspires thousands of single or widowed women to live with dignity and try to change the outlook of society towards single women.
Image Courtesy: Facebook page of Sreemoyee Piu Kundu